Why I Burn Bagels.......

It's true.  It totally happened.  I burned my 4 year old's bagels for breakfast this morning.  That is insanity.  Now, let me clarify something - chef, I am not.  I pretended for a while I wanted to be some foodie mom, I really don't.  I read Jen Hatmaker and Shauna Niequist and how they love to cook and gather people around the table and how it's healing for the soul.  Let me tell you something sisters, if you gather around my table for something I cooked - it is not healing for your soul, or your appetite.  I am, however, the chief of warming stuff up.  I mean it.  I can warm up stuff like a champ.  I take great pride in the flawless way I can put together a pretty dang good meal using the chef case and some vision.  My hubs and I are the perfect pair - I am the visionary, he is the executor.  In all things, but especially in the kitchen.  I am a presentation pro, I have all the right serving ware, I know how to pull off a theme like Martha Stewart and, luckily for all I invite over, my husband is, in fact, the chef de McQuitty casa.  None of that is why I burned the bagels, it just feels good to get it out there.

 So why did I burn these ridiculous tiny bagels?  Because I am so distracted and multi-task like a crazy person, I cannot even remember that I put the tiny bagels in the big oven.  The mornings around our house these days feels a lot like a marathon.  We wake up and the race begins - no warm up, no stretching, just straight to the starting blocks.  And by the time I get these precious little humans who call me momma out the door, I need a water break or wine break but then I really wouldn't get anything else done for the rest of the day and there are still like 12 more hours before we even start the bedtime marathon.  So - it got me thinking.  How many other mommas feel like they start and end their days with two equally grueling marathons where you are so distracted trying to get everyone everything they need you burn the bagels.  Or worse, you miss something amazing - like the twinkle in my daughters' eyes when they first stumble out of bed with the adorable bed head.  Or the sweet, sweet confessions of bedtime.  I really don't want to be distracted during those moments, I want to hold those moments like a precious treasure, because that is what they truly are.  I have some ideas on how to make my marathons feel more like a leisurely stroll.

1.  Prep what I can for the mornings the night before - easy stuff like filling water bottles, and signing school papers.
2.  Lay out AGREED UPON outfits the evening before
3.  Give the girls responsibility and hold them to it - like get your own snack, make your bed
4.  Don't touch my phone until they are gone for the day.  This seems like a big one for me.  My phone is my ultimate distractor - one email, text or social media totally takes my mind from the present and that's not fair to anyone.
5.  Start with my own quiet time to center myself.  This won't be my normal quiet time but just 10-15 minutes to say good morning and thank you to my heavenly father always sets my mind in just the way it should be before my own little angels come bouncing down the stairs
6.  Finally, and most importantly, set the timer for the dang bagels.

I know the enemy uses distractions all day long, every day to steer us off course.  As long as we are reeling and running, we will miss all the glory and goodness right in front of us.  If we dwell in chaos and noise, we miss the sweet tenderness of silence and peace.  I'm praying for Him to show me distractions for what they are and steer me back to the present.  Pun intended.  So here's to slowing down, focusing on single tasks, and perfect bagels.

Drained

There are many things weighing on me these days, literally!  I am in a particular interesting season and am asking God to pour into me in His supernatural way.  I have a feeling there are far too many women feeling desperately weighed down just like me.  Our to do lists are longer than any of us would like to admit (too much anxiety!!), our children's social and activity calendars are unending, most of us work in and outside of the home, we serve on boards, we volunteer at the school, we pour into our friends and family - we give and give and give.  And then we feel we have nothing left, we give just a little more. Y'all, I seriously have 6 email addresses that I check constantly.  That is INSANITY.    And, I don't know about you, but I am EXHAUSTED!  In a way that I have never felt before - so, I finally admitted it.  I admitted it my husband and then to God.  I know my order is a little wonky but it took my sweet hubs telling me he sees how I continue to fill everyone's cup but mine for me to realize it was OK to say I was running on empty.  And God delivers, as He always does, in the exact right time.  As I began these conversations with Him I began to notice all these women that I admire saying the EXACT same thing.  I started reading Present Over Perfect and I already feel so blessed.  Jennie Allen posted on her blog how she has been running on empty for years.   And she said something so freeing, "We cannot pour out what's not poured in".  SO, SO good and so true. I am promising myself to evaluate everything that is on my plate right now and to pray over every single one of them.  I want His blessing on every single thing I continue to take on and raise my hand for.   I already know what He is telling me, rest in Me, let me refill you so you can give of yourself in the way I have designed.  I love, love, love to serve and nurture.  If you asked me what I would do if money and time were no issue it would be simple:  Love on my family and love other people.  I find the greatest joy in helping a friend, I love to volunteer at the school and get to know the teachers and students, I LOVE helping small, faith-based nonprofits cast vision and see potential.  But the reverse of that gift and passion is doing too much too often.  Consequently, everyone only gets drained, shriveled pieces of me and no one gets a glimpse of the pure joy I have because of Him.  I pray for all the women in my life that they find clarity in their calling.  I pray that we all find rest in Him and the courage to say No when it isn't for us.  I had a moment of clarity for myself - if I am always the one saying yes first, am I standing in the way of someone else who is ACTUALLY supposed to have this one?  Is someone else stealing my yes's when they should be saying no?  I know exactly who to ask to direct my decisions.  And I am so ready for Him to free me up to walk out my call.  And if my call right now is a nappy nap, well, Momma is SOOOO OK with that!!

Y'all!  That is the only way I know to start this post, because honestly, I have been paralyzed by how exactly to start this for months.  But I know the best way to get back out here is to do it honestly and wholeheartedly, so here I go.

I know without a shadow of a doubt I have been called to write this blog.  I don't know if it is for me or for others, but I DO know it is for Him.  No doubts.  None.  However, over the course of several months, I have continued to let the enemy steal it from me.  Just being real.   And I have learned something very important about this in the course.  We all know the bible tells us that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  He does.  He really, really does every single day.  For a long time I read that passage literally, as in he wants to steal my family, kill my loved ones and destroy my life.  And I believe that is his ultimate motivation.  I also believe, however, that he is cunning and manipulative and knows if he came hard and fast we would be more willing to stand up and declare what is ours.  But if he sneaks in - one little punch at a time, we chalk it up to a bad day, a hectic schedule, a misunderstanding - and before we know it, he has accomplished what he set out to do in the first place and we are left lying on the ground wondering how we got there.   Let's use me for an example, I heard loud and clear from the Lord to be obedient in a number of ways.  Ways that excite me, set me at ease, and show me His overwhelming love for every aspect of my life.  But slowly, I let little lies creep in.  Lies that said "no one is reading this anyway", "you really aren't an authority on what you are saying", "you are too messed up to lead people to Christ", and then I allowed things of the world to suck my time.  Things like social media, chasing things instead of Him, chaotic mornings and anything else the enemy threw my way.  And now months later, here I am, telling myself I can't come back because I have been gone too long.  And then, even right as I type these words and tears well in my eyes, I remember the grace of my Savior.  And how He has said over and over and over to me in my 38 years, you can always come back.  We can always get back on track and I will always love you.  Oh how I love Him!  And here is something else I think I realize, I must have been on to something for the Kingdom or the enemy wouldn't work so hard to keep me off track.  And I don't even have to fight him, because he has already been defeated.  So here I am my calling in my hand, asking the Lord to continue to give me the words to write, the discipline to pursue and the grace that only He can bestow.  And I hope that whoever reads this receives encouragement to get back up and pursue whatever He has called you to pursue.  And to remember it is never too late to come back home.

There it is, my first "I'm Am Here!" blog post and it wasn't even that hard.  And it never is when it is in line with where He wants you to go. Pray for me and I will pray for you that we rightfully declare what is ours, that we stand on the promises He made us individually and as a body of Christ, that we seek his guidance daily and that we listen wholeheartedly, and finally that the enemy takes notice - takes notice that we are not women that fall down and won't get back up - that we are fighters and kingdom movers and daughters of the One who has already won the battle for us!

Pray and Obey

I have been on the most amazing and exciting journey over the last several months.  Many of you know that I left a full time, fabulous job at the beginning of the summer because I felt called to do so. I will openly admit that there are many times over the course of months I questioned myself and if I had done the right thing.  Had I REALLY heard God correctly?  Would we be OK?  Could we make it?  But I jumped, full of faith, expectation, and trust.  And, y'all, I am SO glad I did.  Has anyone ever told you that if you would get out of God's way and walk the path that He designed specifically for you that life would be better?  THEY ARE SOOOOO RIGHT!

Some women I know talk about how they always knew what their wedding day would be like.  They had dreamed about it and had a perfect vision.  I was not one of those women.  I knew I would be married some day to someone wonderful, I just never thought about the actual day.  However, I have known for as long as I can remember what my children would be like.  I knew how I wanted the room to look, how I wanted to nurture them, what I wanted to teach them, how I would handle the first time their heart broke ,or the first time they broke mine.  I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and I know from the very core of my being the kind of mom I want to be.  I have also known since the day I found I out I was FINALLY pregnant with our Madie that I wanted to be able to pick her up everyday after school when she became a kindergartner.

Mike and I have prayed about this for five years.  I wanted to be home in the afternoons and my current work situation was not going to allow for that flexibility

.  But, I also wanted to work and I wanted all the things that my income provides.  But God gave me the most amazing scripture out of the blue one day, 6 months ago.  Isn't it amazing how He does that?  Isn't it absolutely astonishing how you can read over something in bible one day and not even notice until you read it months or years later that He wrote that for you, today that is for you.  I had that moment, I have it more and more.  On this beautiful day 6 or so months ago He said to me, "He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." Psalm 113:9.  If you know my story you know how very deep and personal that passage is for me.  But it was different this time, my heart slowly began to change.  I no longer had the little flicker of wanting to be home, I had an overwhelming desire and burning to be home.  Overwhelming!  No doubt in my mind, it was time for some change.  So we prayed and obeyed.  And you know, God showed up.  As He always does.  He revealed things in my heart about finances and material things.  He revealed things in our finances to make us more efficient and He opened doors for me to be able to work in a way that would bring me home.  And then He told me to rest.  So I am obeying, one day at a time.  I have no idea what He has in store for us but I do know He will provide and I do know I can trust Him.  I have been amazed at all He has provided, the peace He has given, and how just when I think I know what is happening, He adds an another spectacular layer.  People have said to me "I am so proud of you for living a life you designed".  No, friends, I am living the life HE designed.  He designed for me.  It's not perfect, it's not always beautiful, it is often messy but my, oh my, is it exactly right for me.  Now, if I will just stay out of the way, I am sure it will only get better!

I talk to so many other families that have this need to declutter and destress their lives.  And I wonder, are we going to be the generation that gets it right?  Could we be the women that say "God whatever it is You call me to do, I am ALL in"? I absolutely believe that when we are living out His plan, the distractions and stress this world throws at us becomes so obsolete.  It's still there, it just can't affect you.   Can I be that woman?  I don't know but I do have this desire to challenge my sisters to pray and obey.  What is He saying to you?  He told me it was time for me to serve in a different way, nurture in a different way, and provide in a different way.  He told me that I need to trust Him fully in ALL things, not just the things I want Him to handle.  I know that I know that His journey is different for every single one of us.  I know that my journey is not yours and yours is not mine.  I know that He plants something in you and it continues to flourish as you press in.  Will you press in and see what He has for you?  And will you pray for me as I press in to hear Him for me?

It's Time to be INTENTIONAL!

Have I mentioned that I love people?  I do, I genuinely love people.  I really love my people. However, at my "season" of life, I have to admit that my circle has become increasingly smaller.  I have to ponder what happens to girlfriends.  I always had lots of friends, lots of really good friends.  And then, honestly, there was a point right after we were married and until my first daughter was born I had few, I mean like one. It's hard to make girlfriends in new cities, new jobs, new seasons of life.  Lately, I have started to really think about that.  Because, lately I have really started to crave genuine girlfriends.  Maybe it's because I need someone to commiserate over carpool lanes and too-busy schedules with.  Maybe it's because I need someone to tell me I'm doing an almost awesome job.  Maybe it's because I just crave someone to laugh with about really stupid things.  Maybe I need inspiration that only a great girlfriend can give.  Can anyone else relate?

For a couple of years after moving to the Metroplex, I had, like, one really good friend.  We bonded over Sex and the City and Starbucks when we were supposed to be talking business.  I knew immediately I liked her, before we even ordered our lattes. What started over coffee 7 years ago blossomed into chats about infertility (me), marriage proposals (her), wedding dress shopping (her), baby showers (both!), vacations, burger nights, birthday parties and so much more.  And I have had others come and go since then and a few stay.  More stay lately.  I have had so many other women say to me  "it's so hard to find friends at this stage" or "I don't even know how to meet women like me".  That sucks.  It really does - as women we want a tribe.  We want to chat and spend time with others.  We want to share - stories, laughs, recipes, shoes, tips.  We need each other.  And here is what I have learned, lately, about this and me.  What if I was more like Ruth?  What if I was more like "you go, I go."?  What if I sacrificed what seemed best for me for what was clearly best for my friend?  What would that look like?  What kind of tribe would I have then?  Intentional.  That's the word ladies.  You want a great friend?  Be intentional about being a great friend.  You want someone who encourages you and pushes you?  Be intentional about being a friend that encourages and pushes.  You want a friend that listens, really listens?  Well, you get the jest.  It's is about intention.  Great relationships don't just happen.  They are fostered, prayed over, nurtured.  They ebb and flow.  They hit highs and lows.  They don't ever quit.  Without further ado, here are my tips to being (and finding) great friends:

1.  Don't be shy.  You see a gal that you want to be like, want to be around?  Ask her out.  I know that sounds cheesy but it's a relationship.  Work at it.  Find the girls you want to spend time with and then ask them to do it!
2.  Be authentic.  All of us can find surface friendships.  Few of us find the girls that push us, hold us us accountable, cheer for us in good, and pray for us in bad.  Sidebar for a story - I have made some really great friends lately.  You know how I know?  One of them texted me today and said "are you working on a blog post?"  She knew I set a goal for myself, she knew I felt called to write, she knew I skipped a week and she called me out.   That, my friends, is a true friend.
3.  Make time.  I said it.  The girl who always said I only had time for work and family.  Also the girl who was absolutely starving for an outlet only close friendships can provide.  Take a look in the bible - was Jesus alone often? Didn't He advise us to surround ourselves with wise counsel?  Make time to spend with the girls who are your tribe.  Go to lunch, go to movies, go to their kids birthday parties.  Just go.  You will regret it if you don't.  There are things you should mark off your to do list, this is NOT one of them.
4.  Know when to drop them like it's hot.  Yep.  I'm just going to sit that right there.  It is OK imperative to not continue to allow toxic people in your life.  Some times toxic people are dressed like really fun, stylish friends.  You know the ones - the one-uppers, the one's that aren't good for you, your marriage, your kids, the ones that love you when you are up and disappear when you are down.  You can love them.  Just love them from afar.
5.  Don't look for friends just like you.  This is probably more for me than anyone else but some of my favorite friends are so different from me.   They come from different backgrounds, they believe different things, have different interests, are in different seasons.  These are the gals you learn from, lean in to them.
6.  Show up.  SHOW UP.  Your girl needs you?  Nothing stops you, nothing.  Show up.  This doesn't have to be life changing stuff either, this can be every day, run of the mill stuff.  Her week busier than normal?  Drop off a meal.  She drowning in everything we drown in everyday?  Pick up her kid for few hours on a Saturday.  She facing confusing times at work, at home, or otherwise?  Have lunch and listen.  Allow her some time to hear herself.
7.  Breathe life into her.  You know Jesus. Does she?  Are you sharing Him?  If she does know Him, are the two of you walking with Him, together?  I am going to be real - I don't always portray Him like I should for my friends.  They know I love Him, they know I pray for them but I don't always point straight to Him first.  Some times I get mad first, some times I want revenge first.  I am working on this one.  I do have a new friend that I suspect is much better at this than me and I am going to learn from her.  She has already shown me how centered He is in her life.
8.  Do not, do not, do not be a mean girl.  Mean girls stop here.  At least for me.  I am SO done with mean girls.  My Momma was right.  My Nana was right.  My Momma Chambers was right.  If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  DO not listen to each other.  Do not allow each other to tear others down.  It starts simple and escalates quickly.  I could easily get on my soapbox, for myself more than anyone else, but I won't.  It's simple, just don't.  JUST DON'T.
9.  Be the friend you want your kids to have.  That's it.  You know what you pray for them - be that.

I am so very blessed for the girlfriends that have been with me for a lifetime, a decade, and some only a month.  I pray for you and me that God positions the friends in my life that He has for me and the same for you.  I pray that He continues to teach me to be the friend my girls need.  And I pray, every day, for my sweet friends.  Thanks for getting me, loving me, challenging me, encouraging me, laughing at and with me, mourning with me, and letting me be me.

Running in the Rain

I went for a run today.  I went for a run today because it is time my friends, it is time.  And as I was out for my exhilarating excruciating run, it began to rain.  And my first thought was, "oh crap, how do I get home quickest, because let's face it, these legs are not the answer."  And then a second thought came to me, actually it was sent within me, "what are all my homeless brothers, sisters and children doing right now?" Their first thought cannot be, "how do I get home quickest?", because they have no home to go to.  And my heart broke for them.

  I pictured myself with my tiny angels and thought,what I would do if I had no where to take them, if I had no bed to provide them.  What would I do?  I think of the woman who left an abusive relationship FOR  her children.  And I am SO proud of her.  I am SO proud of her.  I wonder if I would have the same courage. 

During my run this voice crept in my own head telling me I would never make it, I am not in good enough shape to do this, I just am who I am.  And I wonder what her inner voice sounds like? But then another voice came to me, the one built in the neighborhoods of Brownwood, TX by a mom and dad that are undeniable forces to be reckoned with and little girls that inspire me every day, and that voice said: "You don't quit.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  You are stronger than you know."  So I pushed on.  Because I am surrounded by change-makers, truth-speakers, and love-givers,it is easy for me to know who I am and what I am worth. Do you think our homeless sisters have people surrounding them, speaking life into them?  What do you think that carpenter would have said to them?

 Now I know there are people out there that believe our homeless brothers and sisters somehow did this to themselves.  They are drug addicts, they say.  Some are, not all.  They are lazy, they say.  Some are, not all.  They don't want help.  Some don't, not all.  See, I have this carpenter friend that I am mighty fond of, and he once said to a bunch of people, "Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."  I put down my stone, won't you. 

Now I ask you to do something with me.  Would you be a blessing to a homeless person this week?  Would you notice them?  Give them a buck or a burger.  Or just look at them, look deep into their eyes in a way that says "you are seen, you are seen!".  Be bold, be brave, be a change-maker, truth-speaker, and love-giver.  Tell me your stories, I want to hear them! 

"Now go, I will help you to speak and teach you what to say."  Exodus 4:12
#BeABlessing #DoSomething #RunningintheRain

I Am A Warrior!

Don't you just love when the Lord shows up to do business with you unexpectedly?  Even as I sit here today and write, I know this message is intended for me.  I think about that often when I write, who is this for Lord?  Help my words be the words you want her to hear.  Today, I know these words are for me, maybe for a few of you too, but definitely for me.


I went to see War Room with a friend yesterday.  If you haven't seen it yet, run.  It is such a great movie and maybe the Lord will show up to do business with you just as He did with me.  As we were walking in my friend said, "what are you going to blog about tomorrow?".  I had no idea.  I wonder if the Lord chuckled knowing that my lack of words would soon be replaced by a river of emotions flowing swiftly as I had one thought after another.  He showed me so many things about myself. And, honestly, I am so grateful that He is a loving Father who deals with me gently.


Anyone who has been on any team that I lead knows that one of my very favorite questions to ask is "what is your at bat song"?  You know - the song you play to get you pumped up, the one that is the anthem to your current situation - it can change over time or all the time.  Well, currently my at bat song is This Is Your Fight Song by Rachel Platten.  I love this song.  And, wow, is it appropriate about what the Lord is showing me.


Back to War Room, if you don't know it is all about prayer, prayer life really. Watching it made me think about my own prayer life.   I pray.  I pray almost all day long most days, just a breath of prayer as I head into a meeting or on the way to school or as I am getting ready or if I am about to lose it (that's probably the most frequent one).  But this is what the Lord is showing me:  Am I doing battle for the things that are most important?  Am I FIGHTING for the things I hold most dear? Let's be real, the enemy isn't just breathing small whispers of discouragement, lies or distractions.  He comes prepared to destroy us.  Every day.  But Jesus, oh sweet Jesus, He is here to give us life and give it abundantly. John 10:10 tells us:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 

 So I have to ask myself, why am I not going to battle against an enemy who wants to destroy me, my family, and my dreams every day?  Why am I not fighting him fervently?  Why am I breathing whispers to Jesus instead of proclaiming the goodness, the glory and the promises He has made to me with every breath I have as loud as my voice can project?  I know the Lord loves our small conversations all day.  I know He guides me quietly through these times and I know He is always listening.  But I also know that it is time to do battle.  It is time for me to be a WARRIOR for the people whom I have been sent to do battle for.  If I want my daughters to be brave, honest, confident and pure  I better be on my knees every day speaking those things over them in scripture and rebuking the one that would love nothing more than to see them week, deceitful, scared and alone.  If I want my marriage to be full of love, respect and passion, I better be on my knees battling the one who wants to see it full of hate, distraction, anger and resentment.  If I want to see my friends prosper, I need to commit to praying prosperity over them.  I am not fighting like the warrior He designed me to be.  But that stops now.  I am preparing to fight the enemy with the sword He has given me.  And I am prepared to see every single promise He has made be delivered. Oh my goodness, I am ready.  I have my at bat song playing and I am here to fight.  My daughters will know who has their back, my husband will know who has his, and my friends can count on me lining up with Him behind them.  I am marching into battle with my head held high and my tongue armed with scripture that tells me that I am His.  And here is the best news yet, we already know who wins our battles.  The victory is already ours.  Why wouldn't we jump on that?  Everybody wants to be on the winning team, we already are but we have to show up on the playing field and declare what is rightfully ours.  Reminds me of another great at bat song - Put Me In Coach!


So, this is me - I have these great conversations with God, He tells me what He wants me do and then I find a way to complicate it.  I do.  However, this complication isn't all that complicated and it is a fun way for me to commit to my prayer time and what I am praying over.  I made myself Prayer Warrior cards so that I can write down scriptures, prayers, or words He gives me for the people I am praying for, and yes, that includes me.  I think it will be so awesome to watch these prayers be answered.  I may even send some of my prayer cards to my friends when I know He gave me something for them.  And I am definitely saving the ones I have for Madie, Marlie Grace and Mike.  I want my family to see, remember, and honor all that He is doing in our lives.  If you want my prayer cards, let me know, I will happily send them to you too! Oh - and if you want to share your at bat song with me, I sure would like to know it!  Just post in the comments and then play it loud as we all line up and march in to take over what is ours!